Wednesday, July 6, 2011
So it's been awhile and I don't know how I have managed to let my life get so fucked up. I broke my ankle rock climbing, so I've been in a cast since June 15 and in it I will remain until August 10. To say the very least, this has put a damper on my social life. I can't go dancing or drinking or climbing or to the lake or skydiving or really do anything besides sit around. It's driving me nuts. I have also realized I have very few actual friends. This part really sucks because instead of being able to sit around with friends and talk and play cards or board games, I get to sit home alone. Granted my two girlfriends have been amazing at trying to keep me occupied but when they have boyfriends and kids it doesn't leave a lot of time for them to entertain me, understandably of course. Also, I've managed to isolate myself from my previous group of friends by dating several of them. I don't know what I was thinking, but advice to my future self and anyone else out there...DON'T DATE FRIENDS! Then we move on to my current love life situation...I have found someone who actually fits and compliments my weirdness. I should be stoked right?!?! WRONG. He is too caught up in his ex and kids and own problems to even think of being in a relationship. He may be wonderful and care for me and be exactly what I need, but he is unavailable. Now we come to my dilemma, I have way too much going on in my personal life with full time school, full time work, and now this broken ankle to be able to concentrate on anything that slightly resembles a relationship. So like I said before, I don't know how I managed to let things get so fucked up. I have never minded focusing on school and my career and I honestly prefer it to what my friends are doing as mothers and wives...I couldn't handle that lifestyle. However, it's always nice to have someone to go cuddle with after a long day or when you are stressed out, having someone to always go to the movies or dinner or whatever with, someone to kiss you and make you believe that everything will be ok when your world is crumbling around you. I don't know if I was made to be alone or if just by a series of weird and frequently bad choices I've done it to myself. I tend to believe the latter. A friend recently showed me the song "Love Song for No One" by the amazing John Mayer and it is definitely the anthem of my life.